Broken: Part 1. 

”All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are!” – Robin Williams

Disclaimer: this is my own personal experience with depression, after being assessed and diagnosed by my General Practitioner. In this blog I share what happened, how I overcame depression and share tips based on my own experience. 

Hey guys! Been a while, but I’m back with another blog. After so many months (lol). This post is something a little different from what I normally post.

(This blog will be divided into two parts – as I didn’t want it too be lengthy).

Quick question.. Ever felt down and blue? Weeks go by, months even and you still feel the same? Feel like a dark cloud is constantly over your head? Feel like this cloud is dark and isolating, smothering you at any given opportunity? Yes? Well this was me about a year ago.

Lets just go back to a year ago to when I’d just finished my Legal Practice Course – you know that feeling after a long nap and you finally get the opportunity to just STRETCHHHHHH. Yeah that the feeling. A feeling of relief. I did it I can breathe. Working full time was hectic alone  but just to finish my LPC Uhhh-Mazinggg.  Yasss finally. *rolls eyes* it’s done. Now to move onto the next stage. Getting the dreaded training contract.

As time went on.. working a 9 – 5 *shakes hips* everyday and coming home clicking and applying for Training Contracts and Open Days to get a feel of each firm. Lol, there was no stopping me.

That’s how it started.. From late nights to missing nights out with friends, from the ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ to never coming round to actually seeing anyone, I’m coming, became I’m busy.. the whole Shabang!!!

Would come into work smiling but drained internally, chatting, you know kitchen gossip, laughing anyone want tea with a cheeky smile? You know the usual.

As I was so smiley, it was hard for anyone to notice that I wasn’t okay, that I felt like I was drowning, suffocating. As soon as the clock hit 5:30pm I was back to being a hermit.

From this to just feeling completely low and sad.

Speaking to somebody was the last thing I wanted to do due to not wanting to feel different. So yes, I kept it all to myself. When people asked how I was response would always be “I’m fine” with a wide smile. Despite the feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy destroying and tormenting me internally.

Couple months went by same feeling and after coming off the phone to a very abrusive and rude client, shouting on the clients end and raised voices on my end, shut the phone and  *bam* I cracked and burst out into tears, as my chest tightened and palms started sweating.

Stay Tuned for part two!

Be Sure to follow me on Social Media.

  1. Instagram:MarieanneMartins

2 thoughts on “Broken: Part 1. 

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